My cat gives me a boner
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
