I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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