So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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