I am puke
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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