I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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