I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
