shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
