grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
