adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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