Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
