please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
