Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
