i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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