i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
