thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You pole danced in your parka.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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