Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
