I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, beer. Big fan.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
