Screwed.edu
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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