I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
