You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
