Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
