I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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