There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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