I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
