She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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