she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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