last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
