You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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