I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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