ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
