he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Still dying that you shit outside
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
