Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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