Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
