My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
