Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
