Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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