can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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