some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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