I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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