He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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