Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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