I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Randomize
