His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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