I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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