she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
