I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
