I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
