We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
