So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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