Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
