Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
