i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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